NOT Gay: A Collection of Johnlock Oneshots
by JjRavenclawFromDistrict11
Summary: Basically exactly what it says. I'm a huge Johnlock shipper, and want to post a few oneshots. Sherlock obviously has feelings for John, and though I still haven't figured out exactly how John feels, he certainly cares about Sherlock a lot. (I don't think John's figured out his feelings either, honestly.) Pretty lighthearted and possibly even fluffy at times.
1. Tattoo

**I've been writing so much Destiel lately, I thought I'd do a few oneshots for one of my other major ships: JOHNLOCK!**

 **Warning- The beginning is a little depressing. I promise it gets better.**

…

 _Tattoo_

…

The divorce with Mary had been hard. John had loved her, he really had.

But Moriarty came back, and he and Sherlock knew they weren't safe. John tried to protect Mary as best he could, but she still got hurt. She healed, but their unborn child was lost.

After that, their relationship slowly spiraled downward. They were both angry and grieving, but while it made John lonely and in need of company, it made Mary reclusive and withdrawn. They spent less and less time together, John spending nearly all of his time with Sherlock. Finally, after a fight about something he couldn't quite remember, John moved out of their house and back into 221B. It was only a few weeks after that John proposed divorce. He'd made it a sort of ultimatum, as in _if you don't want to fix this, I want a divorce_.

The truth was, he'd started to forget why he'd loved her, and why he'd taken her back even when he discovered she'd been lying to him the whole time they were together. Apparently, Mary felt John had changed and was no longer the man she married, the man she once loved.

So, long story short, they got a divorce.

Sherlock didn't seem to understand completely, likely because he'd never loved and lost, or even loved at all. Still, John was happy to have him, if for nothing else than to be a distraction. Sherlock always had a new case for him. Moriarty was still on the loose, so they were rarely bored.

John was sitting at home, mulling over those recent events. It had been about two weeks since the divorce had been finalized, and it was also John and Mary's wedding anniversary. Or, it would have been. It was hard to believe they hadn't even made it one year.

He was lying in bed, in him and Sherlock's flat, feeling miserable. He spent most of the day that way, and then finally decided that he was being pathetic and it had to stop.

John hauled himself out of bed and went out, wandering around somewhat aimlessly. After some while, he found himself in front of a tattoo shop.

Well, he was looking for something new. This was new.

John walked in and greeted the attendant.

"What are you looking for?" she asked good-naturedly.

John shrugged. "Something new."

…

Sherlock was getting worried. John had been particularly mopey today, likely as a result of it being him and Mary's wedding anniversary. But then John had unexpectedly left the flat, without so much as a word to either him or Miss Hudson.

Sherlock hadn't heard anything from his flatmate, and it had been _hours_.

When John did walk in the door, it was with a strange expression on his face. He didn't seem as depressed as he'd been earlier.

"John, where on earth have you been?"

John shrugged. "Not important. I'm starving- do we have anything to eat?"

Sherlock squinted at John.

Interesting.

John's left shoulder was at a slight angle, as though it pained him. His left hand was shoved in his front pants pocket, but was obviously balled in a fist. His shirt was also a bit rumpled, as if it had been pulled off and folded temporarily before he put it back on.

"Are you deducing me?"

Sherlock's attention snapped back to reality.

"What? Oh… No. Of course not."

John looked skeptical.

" _Right_. Well, I'm going to fix dinner. Do you want anything?"

Sherlock shook his head and watched John depart with immense curiosity.

It couldn't have been a fistfight, because while that would explain the pain, it wouldn't explain the shirt creases. Nor could it have been a love affair, as he wouldn't have had time to fold his shirt.

There was only one thing that fit.

The doctor had gotten a tattoo.

That would explain the way the shirt was folded, and the length of the man's absence. And, taking the man's pain into consideration, the tattoo was likely on John's left shoulder.

It made sense. John was emotionally unstable, in need of a release. It wasn't uncommon for that to result in irrational behavior like this.

Sherlock didn't comment on John's new tattoo, deeming it unnecessary.

But then, John was missing the next day for another few hours. And the next day. And the next.

Sherlock was dying of curiosity. He had to know what John's tattoo looked like. Finally, after a week, he just asked.

"John, what is your tattoo?"

John looked taken aback.

"How did you…" He paused, and then a knowing look crossed his face. Instead, he asked, "How long have you known?"

"Since the first time," Sherlock answered. "You didn't go yesterday, which was a Wednesday, so the shop wouldn't have been closed. And you didn't go today. Therefore, it must be finished. I want to know what it looks like."

John shook his head, still somehow surprised by Sherlock's deductions.

"Alright," he said, before beginning to unbutton his shirt.

Sherlock's eyes followed John's fingers as he carefully undid each button. Sherlock was feeling hot, and had the sudden desire to help John take off his shirt. He restrained himself and waited.

After John's shirt was off, he folded it over his left forearm and turned so that Sherlock could see the tattoo.

"Oh," Sherlock breathed, surprised.

John's entire upper arm was covered in ink, as well as some of his chest and shoulder blade. Sherlock took a step forward to examine it.

Near John's elbow, there were dark, hooded figures holding spears. Above them were white-robed figures with wings, who fought the spears with elegant swords. There was one hooded figure larger than the rest, whose spear crossed the scene to meet the sword of a larger robed figure, whose wings extended off John's arm all the way to his shoulder blade. At the bottom of the image were flames, licking up around the hooded figures. At the top, an arrangement of rays extended out from behind the robed figures, going onto John's chest and past his shoulder blades on his back.

"Angels?" Sherlock asked quietly.

John held out his right arm, palm up. There were words tattooed on his wrist in simple script.

 _On the side of the angels_.

"I forgot I told you about that," Sherlock murmured, though it wasn't exactly true. He just hadn't thought it was significant at the time.

John grinned at Sherlock. "You did. I think about it a lot, actually."

"Oh."

Sherlock's eyes roamed over John's tattoo, and over his chest as well. He swallowed thickly.

Oh dear. His pants were tight now.

Sherlock stiffened.

"OH. I should… go…"

John raised an eyebrow. "Are you okay?"

He stepped toward Sherlock and peered up at him, concerned.

Sherlock looked down and tried not to stare at John's lips.

"I'm perfectly fine. I'm…" he trailed off, too distracted by John's very kissable lips.

It wasn't like he hadn't thought about John this way before. Usually, however, it was less extreme. Sherlock wasn't used to this level of attraction. He couldn't find a rationale for the sudden peak in his interest, either. He'd seen John shirtless plenty of times, and they'd stood rather close together as well.

Could it be the tattoo?

Sherlock supposed that was the outlier, so it must be because of that. Still, he didn't know how a bit of ink in John's skin could be so enticing.

"Fuck it," he said, moving forward to press his lips to the shorter man's.

John pulled back almost immediately, their lips barely brushing.

"What the hell are you doing?" he demanded.

Sherlock straightened a bit and said matter-of-factly, "I'm just trying to make you feel better. Good night, Watson."

John's eyes drew together, clearly confused. Sherlock continued to his room, where he stared at a wall for the next hour and tried to will away his attraction.

It didn't work.

…

John had been taken by complete surprise when Sherlock kissed him. But he'd been even more surprised to discover that he wanted to continue it. Just the small hint of a kiss he'd gotten left him wanting more.

The next day, when Sherlock came down for breakfast, John asked bluntly, "Do you like me?"

Sherlock considered the question. "Of course I do. Otherwise, why would you be living with me?"

"NO. I mean, do you… are you _attracted_ to me?"

"Oh. Yes."

John hadn't really expected such a direct response from Sherlock, but the detective was full of surprises.

"Then… Care for another kiss?"

Sherlock raised an eyebrow. "I distinctly remember you insisting on several occasions that you are not gay."

John shrugged. "Call it curiosity."

Sherlock was quiet for a moment, then said, "Okay."

He moved forward with amazing speed, shoving John against the wall and pressing their lips together.

The action sent an electric spark up John's spine. He didn't want to enjoy it, after all, they were both men, but he couldn't help the way he was feeling. Especially when Sherlock licked his way into John's mouth, making the shorter man moan involuntarily.

Sherlock's hands crept toward the hem of John's white t-shirt. He lifted it over John's head, their lips separating for only a moment. Then their mouths crashed back together.

John's felt Sherlock run his hands over his chest, and then begin tracing over his new tattoos. John shivered; they were still tender. Sherlock pulled away and began kissing John's arm, where the tattoo was. John sucked in a breath. It was one of the most arousing things he'd ever seen.

Finally, Sherlock stopped and let go of John entirely.

"Was that to your satisfaction?" he asked nonchalantly. However, John could see his eyes were dark with desire.

"I am…" John hesitated, "…possibly a little bit gay."

Sherlock nodded. "Bisexual."

"Perhaps."

"So then… fancy a snog?" Sherlock asked, blushing uncharacteristically.

"God, yes."

…

 **REVIEW!**

 **I have a thing for tattoos, so this just sort of popped into my head. I'd love to get wings tattooed on my shoulders and upper arms, but my parents would be pissed, and I kind of need their financial support right now because… well, college. Maybe one day I'll do it.**


	2. Mrs Hudson

**DRABBLE AHEAD!**

 **BTW: This will ignore Moriarty's return and also Mary's pregnancy.**

…

 _Mrs. Hudson_

…

Martha Hudson had known Sherlock for a long time. He'd helped her with the conviction of her husband in his early 20's, and then moved into 221B right after. And, though he was quite recluse, she managed to get to know him after a while.

He was an odd fellow- she knew that from the beginning. He had a variety of strange visitors, and it wasn't uncommon to walk in on science experiments of all kinds. Every once in a while, she could swear she heard gunshots, but always decided it likely wasn't worth investigating. It was just Sherlock being Sherlock.

One thing Mrs. Hudson noticed most was how alone Sherlock always seemed to be. It wasn't just that he avoided other people or preferred to be by himself, it was like he couldn't understand them. Sherlock looked at other people the way she looked at Sudoku puzzles. It was sad to her that he couldn't connect with anyone, not even his own brother.

You can imagine her shock when she first met John Watson.

Sherlock has mentioned a week or so earlier that he was thinking of getting a flatmate, but Mrs. Hudson later thought she'd imagined it. She wasn't sure exactly how Sherlock made money, but he always remembered to pay the rent on time and never appeared to be struggling financially, and she couldn't think of any other reason for him to want a flatmate.

Mrs. Hudson was absolutely baffled when she discovered Sherlock had, in fact, gotten himself a new flatmate. Having no other explanation, Mrs. Hudson has to assume they were involved romantically. Then, having met him, and seeing the way Sherlock looked at the doctor, she was even surer of that. She'd never seen Sherlock look at someone the way he looked at John. It wasn't love, exactly. She didn't think Sherlock even knew what love was. It was something more like deep fondness, which was a big step for someone like Sherlock. John seemed rather fond of Sherlock as well, and even surprised, as if he hadn't expected to like him so much. Besides, why else would Sherlock invite John to move in with him?

Except that, over time, Mrs. Hudson began to realize all was not as it seemed. Sherlock and John, she could tell, had grown close quickly. But they saw each other differently. Sherlock cared about John more than he'd probably cared about anyone. His feelings ran deep, and were clearly etched into his face whenever he and John were together, or whenever he talked about his flatmate. John, on the other hand, seemed to care about Sherlock a great deal, but perhaps not in that way. He brought his new girlfriends around quite often. Once, Mrs. Hudson got a glimpse of Sherlock's face while John's current girlfriend was around. He seemed a bit confused, perhaps because he couldn't see what John liked about the girl, or perhaps because he was feeling something foreign, something like jealousy.

When Sherlock supposedly died, everything came crashing down. John seemed most devoted of all. Mrs. Hudson wondered if he had known before how much Sherlock meant to him. She checked on him regularly, making sure that he ate and slept regularly, both things he seemed to forget that he needed to do.

Finally, John moved out. He said he couldn't take it anymore, it was all just too much. It was too difficult for him to live in a place where he was constantly reminded of Sherlock.

He told Mrs. Hudson to sell the flat, but she couldn't bring herself to. She missed Sherlock too, and she wasn't ready for someone else to live in his flat. She kept it the way it was, coming in every so often to clean up a bit. She kept wishing she would walk in and see him in his chair, but he was gone.

Then Sherlock reappeared, and Mrs. Hudson was overjoyed. Everything would go back to the way it was.

Except it didn't. John was angry and hurt, and he'd moved on. They became friends again, but it didn't seem the same. Then John got married. And Mrs. Hudson saw the light in Sherlock's eyes begin to dim. She heard him composing tragic songs on his violin late at night, and she knew what had inspired him to do so.

She went to the wedding, and it was all the more evident that Sherlock's heart had been broken. He hadn't known love before, but it was evident he'd learned what it felt like. Mrs. Hudson was happy for John, so she tried to focus on that instead of the pain in Sherlock's eyes.

John's marriage lasted about a year. After that, it fell apart somehow. Mrs. Hudson didn't ask for specifics, as she didn't want to pry into their private lives. John moved back into 221B with Sherlock, and a few months later, he and Mary divorced.

Sherlock was obviously happy to have John back, and John appeared to feel better after the divorce as well. He seemed liberated.

It was another year after that when Mrs. Hudson first found them together.

It had been quite a while since she'd believed they were together, and though she was still certain Sherlock had feelings for John, she wasn't sure John returned those feelings. She liked to imagine that they were mutual, as she was fond of both boys and wanted them to be happy. However, other than in her own imagination, she didn't really think anything would happen.

But then, on a perfectly average day, a package came for Sherlock (she shuddered to think what might be in it), and he didn't answer the door. The poor deliveryman was left outside. Mrs. Hudson went to let him in, and led him up to 221B.

When there was still no answer, she simply unlocked the door so the package could be left inside. When the door swung open, her eyes were immediately drawn to swift movement on the couch. John's eyes looked panicked, like a deer caught in headlights. Sherlock, however, looked quite pleased. Both men seemed to be breathing heavily, and Mrs. Hudson noticed their rumpled hair and halfway-unbuttoned shirts.

She stifled a giggle. No wonder he hadn't been interested in answering the door.

Over the next two months, she started seeing them grow comfortable with each other, with being together. They would hold hands sometimes, though not out in public, and she'd see stolen kisses in taxicabs as John left for work.

Then someone got one of those kisses on camera and all of London started talking about it. For a few days, neither man left their flat. Then, when the swarm of reporters at the door died down a bit, Sherlock went down.

She didn't hear what was said then, but she saw the interview later.

 _Reporter 1: There's a picture floating around of you kissing your flatmate, John Watson. Is that a legitimate picture._

 _Sherlock: Yes._

 _Reporter 2: Are you and John Watson currently in a relationship?_

 _Sherlock: Yes._

 _Reporter 3: So then, are you…?_

 _Sherlock: I can answer a question you haven't asked._

 _Reporter 3: …gay. Are you gay?_

 _Sherlock: Yes._

 _Reporter 2: Is John Watson gay?_

 _Sherlock: No._

 _Reporter 2: Bisexual, then?_

 _Sherlock: Yes._

 _Reporter 1: Why have you two been huddled up in that flat for the past couple days? Why choose to come out now?_

 _Sherlock: We didn't want to be bombarded with a thousand questions all at once. This is much better. And we're out of jam._

 _Reporter 1: Out of jam?_

 _Sherlock: You asked why I'm out now. Well, I need to buy jam._

 _Suddenly, John surfaced at the door._

 _John: Oh, hello. If you'll excuse me, I've got to go buy a ring._

 _He walked off without answering any further questions, and all eyes turned to Sherlock._

 _Sherlock: Oh, that. We also got engaged this morning. John insisted on getting the rings right away._

 _Reporter 2: I thought you said you came out to buy jam._

 _Sherlock: I did. I'll be doing that first. Then I suppose I'll go buy a ring for John, though I personally don't think it's necessary. It's not as if either of us will forget we're engaged._

 _Reporter 3: So, how long have you two been together then? Who proposed to who? When's the wedding?_

 _Sherlock: Whom._

 _Reporter 3: What?_

 _Sherlock: It's who proposed to WHOM, not who._

 _Reporter 3: Alright, then who-_

 _Sherlock: I hate to leave, but I really have to be going. John will be angry if I take too long, and I still have to get that jam. Goodbye._

 _With that, Sherlock sauntered off, leaving the reporters speechless._

When the two returned, they came to tell Mrs. Hudson about their engagement right away, though Sherlock grumbled that he didn't see the point, as she'd see it on the telly later.

Their wedding was not much of a wedding. John finally gave up trying to get Sherlock to agree to a traditional wedding, so they married at the courthouse with just a few guests- John's parents, Sherlock's parents, Mycroft Holmes, Greg Lestrade, Molly Hooper, and Mrs. Hudson of course.

After the wedding, they took a brief break from detective work and honeymooned in the United States, though Mrs. Hudson found out when they returned that Sherlock had found them a few cases there anyway.

Still, they were happy. Very happy. Sherlock still wasn't the best at talking to others or understanding even basic human emotions, but he certainly loved John. And John loved Sherlock.

And Mrs. Hudson, for one, had to wonder why on earth it took so long.

…

 **REVIEW!**

 **P.S. I'm really sorry I didn't update last week. I've been really bogged down by homework, and wasn't able to write at all last week. Unlike my other stories, I don't have any chapters of this saved up in case of a bad week. Anyway, this week is finals week, so you don't have to worry about that happening again. I'll have plenty of time to write between the end of my last final and next Sunday.**


	3. Bisexuality

**I'm really sorry I haven't updated in so long. Writing Johnlock is more difficult for me than most other ships I write about, and I've been really focused on my other stories recently.**

 **Anyway, I will be updating every week again, but there will only be three more chapters (including this one). Enjoy!**

 **BTW: this fic will ignore Mary's existence, and will be a slight AU where Sherlock returned one year after his supposed death rather than two years after.**

…

 _Bisexuality_

…

John was nervous beyond belief.

Sherlock was his best friend, sure. And he wouldn't hate John for it or anything. But John worried that Sherlock would label him like he labeled most other people.

Funny, this all came about when Sherlock turned up again. John had never really gotten over the detective's death, but after a year, he certainly wasn't expecting to find the guy reading in his new apartment.

 _"Hello, John," he'd said nonchalantly, like this was perfectly normal._

 _John had stood there, openmouthed, thinking it had to be a dream. Finally, he stuttered out, "You're… not dead?"_

 _"Obviously," Sherlock replied. "Frankly, I'm shocked you just abandoned our apartment. Thank goodness Mrs. Hudson hasn't sold it yet, or I'd be homeless. But I'd appreciate having my blogger back."_

 _John couldn't believe this. "So you just… leave me behind thinking you're dead and turn up wanting to be flatmates again?"_

 _Sherlock looked at him pointedly, as if to say, "Well, duh."_

Shortly after that conversation, John had moved back in with Sherlock. As mad as he was about being lied to, the past year had been incredibly lonely and he had really missed Sherlock. It took a while for him to trust the detective again, but he finally did.

And he realized there was something else, too. He liked Sherlock a lot, and not just on a friendship kind of level.

He actually had feelings for Sherlock.

It was as unexpected as Sherlock's return. John, who constantly insisted he was NOT gay, suddenly was interested in a guy. But he still liked women, so he guessed that made him bisexual. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. He started remembering times in primary and secondary school where he'd had crushes on other boys. And there were a few drunken nights where he might have kissed other men.

Now, he felt like maybe he should tell Sherlock about it. It wasn't/like he wanted to confess his feelings or anything, it was just that he hated holding this secret. He hadn't told his parents yet, as he wasn't sure how accepting they'd be. Mrs. Hudson already thought he and Sherlock were dating, despite them saying over and over that they weren't, so there was no point in saying anything to her. He definitely wasn't about to talk to Mycroft or Lestrade about it, he didn't really know them well enough.

Sherlock would probably be the most okay with it, and probably should be one of the first to know anyway. Plus, John really had to get it off his chest before he exploded. So he was going to tell Sherlock that he was bi. Hopefully, it would go alright, and then John wouldn't feel like he was keeping a giant secret all the time.

Hopefully.

He wasn't quite sure how to approach it, but seeing as Sherlock would see past and kind of preparation (i.e. making dinner for them both), he decided he might as well be somewhat blunt about it.

He was out or most of the day, trying to think of what to say, and he came home with a few new books and things. He set them on the couch and sat down, as Sherlock was already in the living room, playing his violin.

John watched for a bit before Sherlock got tired of his staring and put down the instrument.

"What is it, John?" he asked mildly.

"I.." suddenly John forgot his words. He couldn't remember what it was he was going to say, or rather, how he was going to say it.

Sherlock raised an eyebrow.

"I… I realized something… a while back. And I thought you should be the first to know. Since we're flatmates and friends and all. I was going to tell my parents, but I don't know how they'd take it."

He paused, finding his words.

"Go on," Sherlock probed.

"Well, I'm… I'm…" John sighed. Might as well get it over with. "I'm bi. Bisexual, I mean."

It felt good to get it off his chest, though he was still tense, waiting for Sherlock's reaction.

"Is that all?" Sherlock asked boredly.

That wasn't exactly what John had expected.

"You don't seem very surprised…" he said with a puzzled expression.

"Should I be?"

John didn't know what to say to that, except, "You knew?"

Sherlock laughed. "Of course I knew. It wasn't difficult to figure out."

He went off on a tangent, describing in detail how exactly he figured it out, and John couldn't decide whether he was relieved that Sherlock didn't seem to mind or irritated that Sherlock knew before him.

Then, as Sherlock was finishing up his explanation, he added, "Besides, it was difficult to ignore your glaring affection for me."

John's jaw dropped. "You mean you… knew… all this time? Even about that?"

Sherlock nodded.

"But… why didn't you say anything?"

"I assumed you knew," Sherlock said with an amused grin. "But clearly, this was a new discovery for you. It must be strange to notice something new about yourself when you ought to be the expert."

"What I meant was, why didn't you talk to me about it? I mean, you could've told me to forget about it, saved me a lot of trouble."

"Why on earth would I tell you to forget about it?"

John's eyebrows drew together. "What do you mean, 'Why would you tell me to forget about it?' I mean, what were you waiting for? Did you want me to make a move so you could laugh at me, or what?"

Sherlock frowned. "As a matter of fact, I was waiting for you to make a move. But I assure you, I had no intention of laughing at you."

John was even more confused than before. "But then why…?"

Sherlock stood and moved over to John. He leaned over him, so their noses were almost touching.

"Make a deduction," he said in a low voice.

"Ummm…"

"You are hopeless, John. Tomorrow, we need to improve your deduction skills."

Then he leaned just slightly and brushed his lips across John's. Immediately after, he straightened up and dropped to the floor, sitting criss-cross and looking expectantly at John.

"Oh," John murmured. "So you were waiting for me to make a move because… you were waiting for me to want it enough. Because you…" He was almost afraid to say it out loud, in case he was wrong, "…you have feelings for me too."

Sherlock smiled. "Excellent deduction. Though it did take much more than it should have."

John stared for a moment, and then a slow smile spread across his face.

"You said we'll work on my deductions tomorrow. So what plans do we have tonight?"

Sherlock grinned as well. "It's up to you."

John moved off the couch and in front of Sherlock. He hesitated briefly before letting himself kiss Sherlock. A real kiss this time.

Sherlock's mouth was soft and it felt right against John's. The detective was as eager as John, and tongues became involved quite quickly. John felt Sherlock's hand slide under his shirt, and he pulled his mouth off Sherlock's for a moment.

"Reckon we out to move into the bedroom?"

Sherlock grinned.

"Your deductions are getting better already."

…

 **REVIEW!**

 **I wasn't entirely sure how to end this, but this felt about right. What do you all think?**

 **TWO CHAPTERS TO GO**


	4. Lestrade

**I'm sorry this chapter is up late! I dislocated my shoulder last Monday because I decided to try roller-skating again. I haven't roller-skated since I was pretty young, and I don't think I was very good at it then, either. I have really horrible balance, so I don't know why I thought this was a good idea. Anyway, long story short, I fell, it hurt, and it's been too hard to type because it was my right shoulder (I'm right-handed). I kind of took some time off, so I haven't updated my other fics at all this week. Oh well. Hope you enjoy!**

…

 _ **Lestrade**_

...

It was always interesting explaining Sherlock to new recruits in Lestrade's department. After several years, he still hadn't quite gotten used to doing so.

It got a little more interesting when John showed up.

About two weeks after Lestrade was first introduced to John, the department brought in a new intern. It was a guy who'd just finished his first year at University and was on summer holiday. He was thinking of studying criminal justice, so he was a good fit.

Callum Oliver was bold, creative, and also very curious, and instantly wanted to know all about Sherlock. He popped into Lestrade's office not even a week after his internship had started to ask about the so-called consulting detective.

"Hey, Greg?"

Lestrade was facing away from the door, but instantly knew it was Callum. The kid was the only one in the department who called him Greg. He had asked if it was okay the very first day, and Lestrade had said yes, but it was still weird to get used to.

Lestrade swiveled around in his chair to face the young man. "Yes, Callum?"

"I was wondering about that Sherlock Holmes fellow. He showed up yesterday to go over the homicide case that got called in. But I haven't ever seen him before. Does he work here?"

Lestrade shook his head slowly. "Not exactly. He calls himself a 'consulting detective', which means he helps when he's bored or when we offer him lots of money."

Callum raised an eyebrow, "So… the guy gets bored and wants to solve murder cases?"

"Basically."

"Strange guy."

Lestrade laughed, "That's an understatement. He's a sociopath. At least he's smart. And he's helpful when he wants to be. He's saved a lot of lives, even if he doesn't seem to care much."

Callum's eyebrows drew together. "Wait… what do you mean?"

Lestrade sighed. "Sherlock likes solving mysteries for the sake of solving mysteries. It's not about saving lives for him, it's all about the chase. He just doesn't care about people very much."

"Huh. So then… what about his… friend? John Watson?"

That was not a question Lestrade had encountered before.

"I… I can't say I know him well. Sherlock's never had friends before, so it was a bit of a surprise when he started bringing John around. But I would say he definitely cares about him."

"Are you… uh… are you sure they're just friends? I mean… is he… you know…?"

That was _definitely_ not a question Lestrade was ready for.

"Oh. I don't know. Sherlock might be. John… I don't think so. I think I heard him Sherlock complaining him going off on a date with some girl while there was investigating to do."

Callum looked at him pointedly.

"Okay, fair point. Sherlock probably is. But I'm still not sure about John. They do live together, but I think I would know if they were together."

Callum glanced over at the door and then said quietly, "What would you say if I told you there's a bet going on about when those two are going to get together?"

"What?"

Callum grinned. "I may have walked by the break room this morning and heard some people making bets on how long it'll take them to get involved."

"You're kidding."

"They shut up as soon as they noticed me. But that's one of the reasons I was curious."

Lestrade shut his eyes and massaged his temples with a sigh. "Good God. Well, I guess I can see where they're coming from."

Callum nodded. "Yeah. You don't have a problem with it, though, right? The bet pool?"

Lestrade shrugged. "Not really. I don't think even Sherlock would care. John might, but as long as neither of them find out, I suppose I don't mind."

"Good. 'Cause I was actually thinking about joining the bet."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Based on what I've seen and heard so far, I'm thinking it'll take at least a year, probably more. I'm thinking I'll take next August."

Lestrade shook his head, "No, I think it'll be sooner than that. Maybe next spring, or late winter."

Callum grinned mischievously, "Are you saying you're going to join too?"

"Uh… might as well. These things do tend to build inter-departmental cooperation."

Callum laughed.

Just then, Sherlock himself walked into the room.

"Sherlock! We were just…" Lestrade looked over at Callum, feeling a little guilty, "..uh…"

"Obviously, you were talking about me, Lestrade. No point in denying it. I just want to know where the crime scene photos are."

"Donovan has them."

"Wonderful."

Sherlock moved to step out of the room and into the hallway, when his mobile dinged.

He sighed and looked at it, muttering, "Why is it so strange that I have evidence in the refrigerator? I'm _investigating_. It's not as if you don't keep strange things in there. I mean, what on earth is kimchee? And who actually likes Brussel sprouts?"

Lestrade looked over to see that Callum was holding back a laugh, which he let out as soon as Sherlock was no longer in hearing distance.

"They're already acting like an old married couple," he remarked.

Lestrade snorted. "No kidding."

"I'm definitely placing a bet now," Callum added. "Hopefully, I can come back next summer. What about you, Greg?"

Lestrade groaned, "Well, I have to now, don't I? As if it weren't enough that my department is doing it, now I am _actually_ curious."

Callum glanced away, and Lestrade followed his gaze out the door to see Sherlock on the phone, apparently arguing with John about the contents of the fridge.

"Could they be any more ridiculous?" Lestrade noted.

"They're an interesting pair," Callum agreed. "I'm interested to see how this plays out."

"Me too," Lestrade admitted. "Do you know if next March is open?"

…

 **I had so much trouble finishing this chapter, but I think it ended up okay.**

 **REVIEW!**

 **BTW: The next chapter will be the last one! But I promise it's going to be a good one :)**


	5. Fanfiction

**Sorry this is late! Life is making it difficult to update anything currently. (And by life, I really just mean parents.) Ugh.**

 **NOTE: I totally made up the AO3 info on here, in case you're wondering.**

 **OTHER NOTE: The fanfics I mention (that Sherlock laughs at) don't actually exist. Any resemblance to stories here, on AO3, or on Wattpad is purely coincidence.**

…

 _Fanfiction_

…

Sherlock was just looking through files on a computer belonging to a missing person. Nothing particularly ordinary.

She was a high school girl with an American mother who she spent the school year with, and a British father (a friend of Lestrade's, actually), who she spent every summer with. She was an avid reader, somewhat of a romantic but no boyfriend.

There was a lot of schoolwork on her computer, mostly essays on literature or politics

Then, he noticed that there was a folder amongst her schoolwork. It was labeled, "Other". Sherlock raised an eyebrow. Usually, folders labeled "Other" meant they contained something the person wanted to keep secret.

Sherlock clicked on the folder, and found another file, labeled, "Creative Writing". Inside that, he found another folder and a single file. The file was labeled, "Login", and the folder was labeled, "Fanfiction".

Sherlock opened "Login", but didn't look at it yet. He wanted to look in "Fanfiction" first.

Inside was one folder, labeled, "Johnlock". He clicked that, and then clicked on the folder inside that one, which was labeled "Oneshots." He found just one file inside, labeled "Ideas".

Sherlock found it interesting that someone would bury a file like that so deep in their computer. He wasn't sure what "Fanfiction" was, and had never heard the terms "Johnlock" or "Oneshot", so he wasn't sure what to expect when he opened the file.

The file contained a short bulleted list of exactly what it said, ideas. What interested Sherlock was what the ideas were about.

 _-John and Sherlock get a puppy from the Animal Shelter_

 _-John and Sherlock are talking about the U.S. decision to legalize gay marriage in all 50 states, and John accidentally admits his feelings to Sherlock_

 _-John and Sherlock act like a couple for a case and Sherlock gets really into it_

 _-Sherlock proposing to John out of the blue and John going WTF but saying yes anyways_

Now, Sherlock didn't want to sound egotistical. But how many guys out there were named "Sherlock"?

These files were obviously about him and John. More specifically, about them being "cute" and "romantic". But why?

He went to the other file, "Login", to see if it helped at all. There were only three lines in the entire document.

 _AO3 Login_

 _Username: USAjohnlockfanatic19_

 _Password: pictionary_

Sherlock stared for a bit, and then went online to look up "AO3".

"AO3" apparently stood for "Archive of Our Own", and was a website where you could self-publish creative works about real or fictional people. That, apparently, was referred to as "fanfiction".

He input the girl's login info and checked out her profile, which talked about how "Johnlock" was her "OTP", and how she wasn't just speculating about them based on news because her dad had connections. Sherlock thought that was a bit of an overstatement. There weren't any works on her page yet, though she said she was planning a "Oneshot Collection" and proceeded to list her favorite Johnlock "fanfics".

Sherlock clicked on the link to one, and begun reading.

Halfway through, he was laughing.

"This is preposterous! What kind of police department has monthly "Truth or Dare" competitions? And why would John or I ever pick dare? Why would Lestrade want us to kiss? This makes no sense."

He went on to the next suggested story, which wasn't much better.

"No, no no! John's hair is not blonde, it's sandy-colored. And it's not curly, just a bit wavy. And he doesn't have a sister named Patricia who would be wanting us to house-sit."

This continued on for a few more hours, all the while Sherlock would groan about how inaccurate something was, or how out of character he or John was portrayed.

Some of the most interesting stories were what were referred to as "smut". Some were so out-of-proportion that Sherlock couldn't read past the first few lines. There was one where John wanted to screw him on the kitchen table (which was, in real life, almost always far too messy to even eat at), and another where they had a threesome with Moriarty (so, so, gross).

Sherlock was reading a "smutty" chapter from one of the recommended stories when John got home from work.

John came over and peered over Sherlock's shoulder.

"What're you up to?" he asked curiously.

"I'm reading a fan-written story of romance between us, where we are having sex in a payphone booth, of all places, to celebrate Moriarty's capture."

John's eyes went wide with shock and possibly horror. He quickly snatched the laptop away, demanding, Let me see that!"

He began skimming through the chapter, still standing up, and face was growing redder by the minute.

Finally, he handed the computer back.

"My God. People have filthy minds. How many of these have you read?"

"Seventeen."

" _Seventeen_! Bloody hell, Sherlock. What on earth for?"

"Research."

John sighed and shook his head. "I guess it's all a bit too much for me. But… there are a few things in there I might like to try," he admitted.

Sherlock grinned and stood to kiss John lightly, setting the laptop down on the chair behind him.

"I did have some ideas myself," Sherlock said slyly. "Perhaps we should relocate ourselves?"

"Yes, please," John answered with a laugh.

As they walked towards Sherlock's bedroom, John remarked, "Can you imagine what these people would do if they knew?"

"That we've been together for six months? Hard to say." Sherlock paused. "Oh, and John, that computer was evidence in a missing person's case. You'll have to explain to Lestrade why you contaminated it."

Sherlock held up his gloved hands as proof, and then stripped the gloves off, tossing them in a garbage bin as they passed by it.

John rolled his eyes. "Shut up," he told Sherlock, though his smile told Sherlock he was playing with him. He pulled Sherlock into the bedroom and grinned a bit more, leaning in for a kiss.

"We've got other things to think about," John murmured, and Sherlock very quickly forgot about the case he'd been investigating.

…

 **REVIEW!**

 **That's the last oneshot for this collection. I have enough going on as it is. Which reminds me…**

 **New Fics:**

" **The Bachelorette: Destiel Edition"** **(** _ **Supernatural**_ **, Castiel/Dean AKA Destiel)**

 **Destiel AU Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak are among the 25 bachelors vying for Atara Kemmiam's heart on the latest season of "The Bachelorette." They are strangers, but they start to get to know each other while on the show, and become good friends. And then… maybe more than just friends. Updates every Monday.**

 **First Post- TODAY, 7/27**

" **New Avalon"** **(** _ **Merlin**_ **, Arthur/Merlin AKA Merthur)**

 **Merthur Future!fic Merlin has been waiting over a thousand years for Arthur's return. He hasn't aged since his friend's death, but often takes on the disguise of an old man to avoid suspicion. But when Bradley Arthur James, a rich kid obsessed with Arthurian legends, turns 21, Merlin begins aging again. A year later, they meet, and the adventure that follows will change everything. Updates Tuesdays and Thursdays.**

 **First Post- TOMORROW, 7/28**


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